Saturday, January 25, 2014

Because, Gay Rights.

The reaction that greeted Binyavanga's announcement was immediate and overwhelming. A great number of people (myself included. He is my facebook friend. You know me, I roll with the best!) congratulated him for his bold step. A great number of others condemned him. Some, like East African Standard editor Kipkoech Tanui, spoke in generalities.

I read Mr. Tanui's article and was simply stumped by his thinking. Thinly veiled in protestations of impartiality and a 'let-live' attitude, the piece was a judgmental condescending and patronizing ejaculation which left no doubt whatsoever that its writer considers gay people abominable second-class species of human.

Allow me to clarify one thing before we continue.

I'm devoutly Catholic, and a card carrying subscriber to the church's position on homosexuality. The thought of  making out with  a dude grosses me out like you wouldn't believe, I was part of a  group that beat up a fellow student and now-prominent playwright after he was caught having sex with a colleague back in high school, and I once wiped the floor with a guy that tried to feel me up at a club in Kampala.

But that said, I am one of those sane people that actually believes in the inalienable right of two (or more) consenting adults to have sex with each other if they feel so inclined, be they male, female or of ambiguous sexual identity. In my opinion, any adult who attempts to legislate, regulate or otherwise adjudicate the bedroom affairs of other adults should have one of those new, metallic electricity poles, fresh off the smelter and still red hot, introduced into the southernmost orifice of their anatomy.

So while I may possess a natural aversion to the thought of any coitus that isn't heterosexual, I will recognize this aversion for what it is-- the same kind of emotion I experience when I see grown men in Arsenal jerseys.

Mr. Tanui's piece therefore left me in a lot of trepidation, and like any writer would do when encumbered with such a disturbing emotion, I took action.

I took his words, traveled with them back to 1974 and gave them to a judgmental condescending and patronizing Klansman with civil rights maladjustment issues of his time.

This was the result:-


Right at the outset, I will clue you into what I won't be writing about more after this piece today: Niggers and Jews! I will also tell you why.

I don't hate them, but I can't fathom what would make a Nigger and a Jew drool and daydream about being the same as us Aryans. Now let me drop this line because I hate to imagine what happens when Niggers and Jews live in the same neighborhoods with us or their children attend the same schools as ours. Which ruefully makes them feel 'special' and 'different', moreso if they regard themselves as being in the league of nigger and Jew celebrities such as Jesse Owens and Bill Cosby, Sidney Poitier and that queen of screen Elizabeth Taylor (strange surname if you ask me).

Gene theory

Yes, even if a nigger or a Jew doesn't think being Aryan makes me special, I still would not knowingly or freely associate with them. Hang me yes, but I won't and that is a matter of choice, just like they chose their race. I don't buy the idea that it is in the genes, or it springs somewhere from the adaptation and natural selection path of evolution. No, that belongs to textbooks, and biology and history classes. Life, as conventional wisdom teaches us, is not the endless glamour and banter on television; that belongs to the surreal wall.

Because I don't understand them, please feel free to blame my upbringing, religious orientation or even what they like calling 'Racism'. You can also, if you are one of them, or their fierce defender or 'Nigger/Jew lover' (my own creation), choose to insult me even though I haven't compared them to apes like those mad people of South Africa I don't like, called the 'Apartheid Regime.'

One thing you can be certain , whatever your skin color, is that I will never fight them or fight for them. See, the whole issue with Negritude and Semitism is that the current administration, particularly in trying to look more civil, diverse and tolerant of other's life choices, has been soft on this issue. They fall under the minority rights, and it is a big campaign issue.

Yes, we all have our freedoms, but then as I have seen in online discussions, mine begins where yours ends and you don't have to thrust your race before my face. Just fraternize with fellow cohorts and leave the rest of us out. Not that we are angelic and uncursed, no! The thing is, we have our own curses, but they don't include yours and we do not invite you to join ours!

We know we live among Niggers and Jews, many of whom luckily fear the social repercussions of seeking equality for obvious reasons. But luckily, we are not about to see mixed race neighborhoods and mixed race schools yet. But surely, the way it is, soon we may have to be explaining these unnerving 'integrated communities' to our children.

Only then would we understand the predicament of many 'Aryan' as opposed to 'weird' Caucasians when they will be forced to bring up children in a neighborhood  where you have to explain to them why they have mixed race classmates with interracial parents. Or you join a company and one day discover the 'beauty' in the corner was one time a nigger or a Jew, but later in life underwent reconstructive skin surgery!

Out of the loop
I don't know what you imagine you would feel, depending on your race, when you meet them in the gents or ladies, but I am sure if you are not in the loop, you may think of relocating.

The other reason I won't be writing about niggers and Jews soon is because they like publicity, especially the kind that seems to inundate our minds with the perception that they are many and everywhere, and in all strata of the society.

This way they feed the perception they are 'discriminated' against and 'suppressed', and therefore prequalified candidates for funding through well-oiled anti-racism movements and desegregation lobbies in Washington.

I know I will be asked what I would do if my son or daughter joined this club. my answer goes as follows. I am trying my best to bring them up the way I want them to be, away from the corrupting influence that goaded others into this strange behavior, despite the fact that we live in William Barclay's permissive society. Secondly in the words of the governor of Alabama George Wallace in 1964, "In the name of the greatest people that ever trod this earth, I draw the line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny, and I say segregation now, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever!"

His recent message, following his conversion to Christianity late in life, of course struck a moderate tone, which went something like this; while I had once sought power and glory, I need now to seek love and forgiveness. "I was wrong. Those days are over and they ought to be over," he said.

Thirdly, if I lose the war, as conventional wisdom would doubtless have it, they would no more be mine. I won't say more on this line suffice to add that by then I won't be around anymore.

Okay, now bring on the brickbats. I am fresh from a long break during which this column missed out on four Fridays, and so I need hard knocks on the head to prove to me that I am different, but do I say so?

Happy and great 1974 Aryan, Nigger and Jew Americans!

The writer does not manage or edit any publications


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Here is the thing: When a person writes the word gayism, I stop reading their shit. I wasn't exactly enjoying the read but then Mr Kipkoech Tanui saved me from further pain by bringing up gayism in the 5th para. Phew!