Dear Ms. Gloria
My hope and prayer that you have no reason to be thankful for the existence of health institutions. My prayer too that your spirits reside at hights that Yelena Isinbanyeva would need steroids to clear.
I sincerely apologise for this intrusion and any inconvennience it might cause, but I find myself in an unfortunate situation that only you can remedy. And that, Ms. Gloria, is not an exeggerattion. You happen to be the singular person among the odd eight billion humans that populate the globe who can help me out of my predicament.
Thing is, last night I created a google e-mail [gmail] account because I needed to open a new facebook account. [And please don't ask me what I needed a new facebook account for. Trust me, you DON"T want to know.]
Anyway, did you know, Ms. Gloria, that scientists have reason to believe humans are evolved from pre-historic, pelagic life forms? Well, if there is factual validation for this assertion, then I surely must have descended from the forefathers of the modern day goldfish, because there is very compelling proof I have the memory span of one. This morning when I went to continue with the mischef that had made me create a new facebook account, I realised I had forgotten my e-mail address and therefore could not access it. My password I could remember since I'd written it down and somehow managed not to forget the slip of paper at the cybercafe, but not the e-mail address!
Which is where you fit into the scheme of things.
You see, you just happen to be the only person in the world to have ever received an e-mail from that account. Just before I logged out last night, I used it to e-mail you a very detailed account of my fascination with certain parts of your anatomy.
So in the sincere hope that it won't be a terrible inconvenience, I'm requesting that you please retrieve a message titled 'Why I think you're hot' from your inbox that was sent at between 9.00 and 9.40pm last night by one Anonymous Admirer and foward me the address to this account.